Calcio Storico

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Calcio Storico

Postby GrahamB on Wed Apr 04, 2018 12:48 am

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Re: Calcio Storico

Postby Trick on Wed Apr 04, 2018 2:43 am

Remember discussing this with an Italian friend here in China. He said he had been asked to join but didn't dare, well I wouldn't either
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Re: Calcio Storico

Postby Trick on Wed Apr 04, 2018 3:02 am

Then after a game of Calicio Storico one can go to Peru and chill at the Takanakuy festival https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takanakuy
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Re: Calcio Storico

Postby wiesiek on Wed Apr 04, 2018 4:17 am

kinda of funny,
on the middle of the field couple of duels, - seems , they don`t care about the ball ...
what are the rules?
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Re: Calcio Storico

Postby GrahamB on Wed Apr 04, 2018 5:55 am

wiesiek wrote:kinda of funny,
on the middle of the field couple of duels, - seems , they don`t care about the ball ...
what are the rules?


I think the rules are 1 no sucker punches and 2 no soccer kicks to the head of a downed opponent... that's about it!
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Re: Calcio Storico

Postby Frank Bellemare on Wed Apr 04, 2018 11:16 am

There was a great article by Seanbaby on this topic called 5 Failed Sports that Were Clearly Created by Psychopats (Calcio Storico is #1) : http://www.cracked.com/blog/full-contact-arm-wrestling-5-real-dumb-sports-mashups

Here is the part about Calcio Storico, enjoy! :

"Calcio storico is a maniac's best guess at how ancient Romans played soccer. At first, it sounds like regular soccer: Two teams enter a field and score points by getting the ball into the other side's goal. Only in calcio storico, each side has 27 men and they're allowed to do whatever the hell they want. And they always want to recreate a prison riot vaguely near a soccer ball. It's the same sport hyenas invent when they find a baby antelope corpse.

Calcio storico has a rich and ridiculous history. It was created around 200 A.D. by extreme athletes too ancient to invent motorcycle jumping and too angry to surf. Nobody really knows what rules they played by, but Italian archaeologists apparently found enough shattered human remains in mass calcio storico graves to decide it was something close to "death pit with ball." They did their best to recreate it in the 16th century where the sport held friendly races with the bloody flux to see who could maim the most assholes.

Sports that cripple and sometimes literally kill its athletes don't stick around for long, so calcio storico disappeared for a few hundred years. It was brought back again in 1930 by Mussolini thinking it might be a fun alternative to the tired old extermination camps. It wasn't, and calcio storico has remained unpopular to this day. It's only played three times a year, and enjoyed by small crowds of psychopaths too cowardly to do their own murders.

Like I mentioned, no one really knows what the original rules were, but in the modern version you can sort of do anything. A player can advance the ball or attack his opponent's genitals with his hands or feet and defenders can use karate, headbutts, or bare-handed strangulation to stop him. Players are not allowed to kick to the head or sucker punch opponents, which is a strange rule that theoretically makes you punch-proof if you're careful to always look in the wrong direction.

Games usually start with everyone just beating the living shit out of each other. There's no bench, so once you've thrashed an opponent to death, he is "out of the game" and not replaced. These eliminated players are then presumably thrown into a pile where their weak bodies can feed the local cats far from the thoughts and interests of the real men still biting each other's dicks over a soccer ball.

Once one team decides they've killed enough men to have a solid numbers advantage, its bravest player picks up the ball and runs for the enemy goal. Then every conscious man on the other team tries to kill him, and it usually works. If he manages to get past the 20ish men clawing at his throat and biting at his dick, he has to very carefully get the ball into the goal because anytime he throws or kicks the ball above it, it gives half a goal to the other team. The end result is chaos. Calcio storico matches all look like someone dropped a human vagina into a fraternity party.

In ancient times, the triumphant calcio storico team would get rewarded with a cow while the losing team rotted in an undisturbed heap, their blood apparently too craven even for the hungry stray cats. Today, the trophy has been downgraded to one dinner and no cash prize. Which means, and I stole the second half of this sentence from a Domino's Pasta Bread Bowl, these madmen are literally putting their lives on the line for a single fucking dinner."
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Re: Calcio Storico

Postby vadaga on Thu Apr 05, 2018 1:20 pm

there are lots of matches on youtube. The actual tactics as far as I can tell involve a lot of the forwards knocking each other down and wrestling and then the backs running over the downed forwards... makes for good watching
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