by Andy_S on Wed Apr 29, 2015 7:38 pm
Michael:
My experience at LA X was nothing security related.
The problems were (deep breath) related to stupid and thuggish bureacrats and the numbskull who designed this ridiculous attempt at an "international airport."
(1) Witless slapper in immigration queue: "Don't worry, those travelling on to Seoul have plenty of time to get to their flight." 30 minutes later. "Those who are heading to Seoul, we need fast track you. How many are you?" 10 peeps hopefully raise hands. "Oh, dear, dear, that is just too many..." She then fucks off, never to be seen again.)
(2) Rude fucking swine in black, SS-style uniform - I am not sure what his role was as our passports had already been checked at immigration - roaring at my colleague to "Get back behind the yellow line now!" then demanding to know why I did not have a journalists' visa for my "visit" to the US of A. My response was (quavering): "I am most terribly sorry, Officer, but given that I am merely in transit from Mexico to South Korea, I had no idea that I would have to set foot on US soil."
What I WOULD have said - had I been bold fellow rather than timorous mouse - was, "Listen carefully, you uniformed neanderthal. If you ever are afforded the opportunity to travel - God forbid! - to a civilized country, you will discover that airports in said countries are - and this will shock to you - well designed. For example: Passengers in transit don't have to check out, leave the airport, face an interrogation from fascist bully boys like, you, hike half a kilometer with all their baggage, then check in all over again at the adjacent terminal. No sir! They do not! Remarkably, these processes are actually handled under one roof! In the meantime try and get this into your moronic brain: This is allegedly an air fucking port and I am in a screaming fucking rush to get on a air fucking plane. Given this rather important priority, I have no time to research, write and file any stories between your fucking desk and the departure fucking gate that I am desperately attempting to fucking reach before I miss my fucking flight due to your dimwit fucking questions regarding my visa fucking status. Though if there was any justice in the world of journalism, I would write a long and detailed story questioning the right to exist of yourself and whatever dogshite agency it is that you "work" for. Is all now clear, Herr Obersturmbanfuhrer?"
(Of course, if I HAD riposted in this manly manner, I would have been dragged off kicking and screaming, hurled into a dungeon, stripped nekkid and had a periscope shoved up my arse, And then, no doubt, I would have being charged with smuggling half a kilo of undeclared shit - cunningly secreted up my rectum - into the United States.)
(3) The plain stupid fucking design/layout of the airport and its related processes (as alluded to above).
Thank Gawd for the Korean Air staff who fast-tracked self and colleagues through the security, emigration and boarding process after we had escaped the clutches of the incompetents and thugs encountered prior.
LONG VENT....
It was such a fucking nightmare I am suffering PTSD just thinking about it. (Damn you, Udell, for bringing this up. Damn you to hell!)
BTW, I am a fair-haired, blue-eyed, middle-class, Anglo-Saxon denizen of a key ally of the land of the free. How the process must be for dark-skinned, sweaty, long-bearded fellows with turbans on - and less patience than yours truly - I dread to think.
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