by Andy_S on Thu Mar 05, 2015 5:39 am
Joke.
Shifty, oily looking knacker walks surreptitiously into a video store; drifts around the adult section; looks around to make sure nobody is watching; then tiptoes up to the assistant.
Shifty: (Nervously) Hey! Pssst!
Assistant: (Surprised) Sir?
Shifty: (Sotto voce) Er...have you by any chance got any... er..."special" videos?
Assistant: (Craftily) Aha! Would you be referring to "one-handed viewing, sir"
Shifty: (Excited) Yes! Yes! That's it! What you got?
Assistant: (Thoughtfully) Hmmm. How about...nuns?
Shifty: (Dribbling a bit) I like it! Tell me more...
Assistant: Young babes in nature...and I mean VERY young babes in nature...
Shifty: (Going slightly cross-eyed) Oh, mother! This gets better and better!
Assistant: And...Nazi uniforms!
Shifty: (Dementedly) Oh, gawd! Here's fifty bucks! Hand it over!
Assistant: Thank you, sir! Here is your video. (Hands him the merchandize in a plain brown paper package)
Shifty, panting, runs home, locks door, slaps video into machine, unzips, flops out, presses play, looks on eagerly...
The movie begins...
"The hills are alive...."
Booooom-tish!
Billy Connolly does a great Shifty.
Services available:
Pies scoffed. Ales quaffed. Beds shat. Oiks irked. Chavs chinned. Thugs thumped. Sacks split. Arses goosed. Udders ogled. Canines consumed. Sheep shagged.Matrons outraged. Vicars enlightened. PM for rates.