New Yorker Loses Phones, Makes Friend in China

[Andy_S]

Great story, very heart warming. And sounds like the two guys actually hit it off, for real.

There again: This does rather skate over the whole issue of the one chap's phone being nicked and ending up in the other chap's orange soaked fist.

But whatever: Gawd bless the interweb/intervillage. There were these chaps I knew online and when we actually met physically, they proved to be jolly good eggs in person as well as on computer screens. We met on this site called rum soaked fist.

[Michael]

Brother Orange invades Los Angeles! Massive social media gheyness is promoted by ghey social media, the equivalent of the reciprocal visit.

http://theactorsdiet.com/page/2/

[roger hao]

If he is in possession of the stolen IPhone - call the cops

[grzegorz]

If he is in possession of the stolen IPhone - call the cops

You mean have dude arrested at the airport?

[wiesiek]

sure thing G, !
he is in the possession of the stolen phone,
offence not only to the US LAW...
You know , American men of the law looks fuckin` serious, when chasing Polanski after his annal trip... over 40 years ago
so
kill the bastard

[grzegorz]

Yeah, but in working-class China most electronics are second hand. I myself had a second hand laptop. It's just the way it is.

[Michael]

The Glorious Brother Orange gave the phone back to the American when they first met in Meizhou.

[roger hao]

Wow - good

[wiesiek]

You know G., there is difference between second hand and stolen goods...
I bought a "new"car recently, for ex.

Somebody can always use such event for makin` the shit...

no crime , then
he can fly safely

[Andy_S]

RE: Brother Orange's Reception in LA
Well if he is greeted with aggression, rudeness, incompetence and stupid fucking questions from US officials when he arrives at LA X Airport, he will have a very similar experience to yours truly.

Let me add that I was not carrying stolen goods, plotting a terroristic act or any similar shenanigans, I was simply attempting to pass through that utterly shite facility in "transit." (A concept its designers were clearly unable to comprehend, given the layout and design of this pathetic excuse for an "international" airport.)

And if, by any kind happenstance, an LA X-related official reads this post, may I respectfully say:
Having your collective testicular sack slowly and agonizingly crushed in the mighty vice of Beelzebub is a fate too kind for you nincompoops, dullards and knackers.

(With one exception: The big chap who checked my duty free carry-on was a reasonably good egg. You, sir, may consider yourself exempt from this wrathful but just punishment.)

[Michael]

Andy, flying in the USA is often what you experienced. In fact, my last exit from the land of the free was pretty much a soft-core porn, so welcome to the Secure Skies™, patriot approved, Prove You're Not a Terrorists Airlines.

If you join the Secure Skies™ program, you too can receive your special I'm not a terrorist TSA remote controlled taser necklace and 1000 frequent flier miles for every enhanced pat down / crotch grab when you provide the following:
1) a blood sample, retina scan, and other biometric data
2) sign, initial and finger print every paragraph of thirty pages of documents declaring you will never talk about signing these documents
3) your entire life history, including self-criticism for all the times you could have been mistaken for a terrorist, such as when you tried to smuggle deadly water onto an airplane

Once your application is completed by our crack team of intelligence operatives, the same ones who let a band of alleged troglodytes with 500 grand outwit a $500 BILLION defense program, you may pass through the security checkpoints with a reduced level of molestation. Sign up today!

[Andy_S]

Michael:

My experience at LA X was nothing security related.

The problems were (deep breath) related to stupid and thuggish bureacrats and the numbskull who designed this ridiculous attempt at an "international airport."

(1) Witless slapper in immigration queue: "Don't worry, those travelling on to Seoul have plenty of time to get to their flight." 30 minutes later. "Those who are heading to Seoul, we need fast track you. How many are you?" 10 peeps hopefully raise hands. "Oh, dear, dear, that is just too many..." She then fucks off, never to be seen again.)

(2) Rude fucking swine in black, SS-style uniform - I am not sure what his role was as our passports had already been checked at immigration - roaring at my colleague to "Get back behind the yellow line now!" then demanding to know why I did not have a journalists' visa for my "visit" to the US of A. My response was (quavering): "I am most terribly sorry, Officer, but given that I am merely in transit from Mexico to South Korea, I had no idea that I would have to set foot on US soil."

What I WOULD have said - had I been bold fellow rather than timorous mouse - was, "Listen carefully, you uniformed neanderthal. If you ever are afforded the opportunity to travel - God forbid! - to a civilized country, you will discover that airports in said countries are - and this will shock to you - well designed. For example: Passengers in transit don't have to check out, leave the airport, face an interrogation from fascist bully boys like, you, hike half a kilometer with all their baggage, then check in all over again at the adjacent terminal. No sir! They do not! Remarkably, these processes are actually handled under one roof! In the meantime try and get this into your moronic brain: This is allegedly an air fucking port and I am in a screaming fucking rush to get on a air fucking plane. Given this rather important priority, I have no time to research, write and file any stories between your fucking desk and the departure fucking gate that I am desperately attempting to fucking reach before I miss my fucking flight due to your dimwit fucking questions regarding my visa fucking status. Though if there was any justice in the world of journalism, I would write a long and detailed story questioning the right to exist of yourself and whatever dogshite agency it is that you "work" for. Is all now clear, Herr Obersturmbanfuhrer?"

(Of course, if I HAD riposted in this manly manner, I would have been dragged off kicking and screaming, hurled into a dungeon, stripped nekkid and had a periscope shoved up my arse, And then, no doubt, I would have being charged with smuggling half a kilo of undeclared shit - cunningly secreted up my rectum - into the United States.)

(3) The plain stupid fucking design/layout of the airport and its related processes (as alluded to above).

Thank Gawd for the Korean Air staff who fast-tracked self and colleagues through the security, emigration and boarding process after we had escaped the clutches of the incompetents and thugs encountered prior.

LONG VENT....

It was such a fucking nightmare I am suffering PTSD just thinking about it. (Damn you, Udell, for bringing this up. Damn you to hell!)

BTW, I am a fair-haired, blue-eyed, middle-class, Anglo-Saxon denizen of a key ally of the land of the free. How the process must be for dark-skinned, sweaty, long-bearded fellows with turbans on - and less patience than yours truly - I dread to think.

[Michael]

My experience at LA X was nothing security related.

Almost none of it is. They were doing some security theater at the Guangzhou airport yesterday, blocking some of the entrances and stopping groups of people, then pretending to swab a few of them, and finally submitting the swabs to the mega-mind computer at hand. That was the same machine in Dallas that found me to be a walking mass of bombs, but it has a 100% rate of false positives in years of use all over the USA. The Chinese are not quite as strict about security theater as the USAnians, who seem to really get into their jobs, like the black-garbed, shouting fellow you encountered in LAX.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJdZgQwRMBk

Is all now clear, Herr Obersturmbanfuhrer?"

I don't think there's much chance he would have gotten the reference, but during my last interrogation I did crack a couple of Richard Reid shoe bomber jokes with the TSA supervisor, who was on his knees giving me a jolly good foot rub, a posture he also maintained during the 3-pass, faux crotch exploration. I guess for some people that's a great job.*

It was such a fucking nightmare I am suffering PTSD just thinking about it. (Damn you, Udell, for bringing this up. Damn you to hell!)

Well, I was hoping that some comedy relief would ease the PTSD. I've got it as well, lol.
Look at it this way, in a world where life can be a bit too predictable, air travel is now a source of great adventure, danger, and distress. It's like being a jet-set Indiana Jones, you never know what danger is lurking.

But hey, we do it to heads of state as well.
Evo Morales: plane rerouting over Edward Snowden 'a provocation'

You got off lightly, unlike this man:
Canadian Inquiry Finds Torture Survivor Maher Arar Completely Innocent, Criticizes U.S. For 'Rendition' to Syria

This is allegedly an air fucking port and I am in a screaming fucking rush to get on a air fucking plane.

(Of course, if I HAD riposted in this manly manner, I would have been dragged off kicking and screaming, hurled into a dungeon, stripped nekkid and had a periscope shoved up my arse, And then, no doubt, I would have being charged with smuggling half a kilo of undeclared shit - cunningly secreted up my rectum - into the United States.)

Why Flying Now Can Kill





https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsAT-duMlaU

*that actually happened