The Worst in Life

[Ian]

-run-ins with the local no-legged wildlife.

ok so I was doing the sprint section of my jog, rounded a tight bend, almost stepped on (i.e. half of it was under me, between my feet) a 3 METER LONG, 2 INCH THICK SNAKE. OMFGWTF!!!111 WHO PUT THAT SHIT IN MY PANTS!?

goddamned thing was just chilling in the middle of the path until I came blundering along and ruined its day. I swear I've never changed direction so freaking fast before. I think I got about 3 feet of air. and you know when there's too much snake and it slithers away, and you're wondering why it's still slithering and.... still slithering... still not done...

which means no, I didn't manage to catch it and preserve it in rice wine.

I don't mind snakes, generally. if I'm walking along and I spot one, I'll go up to it, even try to touch it. running into one during a sprint is completely different though.

last week I saw a king cobra, but gave it plenty of chance to slither away.

fall = snake mating season = time to think about treadmills.

another thing that pisses me off:

-compliation clips of comedy shows, set to music. apparently watching the pretty pictures is enough for these mongs. words complicate things.

[Andy_S]

I fucking hate snakes. When I lived in Malaysia, the security guards outside my flat caught a young king cobra (prince cobra?) and insisted on showing it to me until it rotted away. Still, Ian, I'd steer clear of king cobras:They are not just evil looking snakes, they are evil LOOKING snakes. And we had reticulated pythons in the drains - I never saw one, but others did, and they are known to like living in sewers. Some years back, a chap in Singapore - who lived in something like a 17th floor apt - was sitting at home having a leisurely crap when one swam up his u-bend and bit him on the sack (retics have evil teeth, even though they are constrictors). If that had happened to me, it would take the pleasure out of crapping for life.

BTW where the hell did this happen? The Peak?

[Bill]

I love snakes and I'm jealous of you for seeing a king cobra in the wild. To me that would be the greatest thing ever.

[Andy_S]

Who said anythying about the wild?

Ian's in HK - it could have been in Yaumatei night market...

[Ian]

oh I steered clear of that motherfucker all right. I want nothing to do with cobras.

I run into this bamboo pit viper from time to time (the hill behind my place. there's too much concrete and human activity on the peak to see anything). it's about a meter long and still pretty scrawny, so no worries. the first time it freaked me out. again, almost stepped on it. but now I know where it lives so I just doff my hat and move on.

actually come to think of it... I hope it doesn't grow much bigger.

retics in the plumbing??? aw man. do I have to crap standing up now?

[Andy_S]

SNIP
retics in the plumbing??? aw man. do I have to crap standing up now?
SNIP

Not if you live in Hong Kong - no retics there. But if you DID live in Sing, Malaysia or Indonesia and you crapped (crup?) standing up, what good would it do you? Retics are commonly 20 feet long...I dunno how much of a beanpole you are, but the distance from the ground to my chocolate starfish is about two and a half feet.

Still glad to read that you wear a lid when jogging (and doff it when required so do to). Most chappish.

[Bill]

Ian's in HK - it could have been in Yaumatei night market...

Now I understand.
I once saw a tv show about catching cobras in HK. Hell of a thing to have those sometimes huge cobras in a city.

[Ian]

Andy,

Sometimes I jog with a bowler on my pate. That's how much of a chap I am.

Bill,

I like snakes as well. I just don't like being startled. And as much as I'd hate to be bit in the scrote, those massive lethargic snakes are fun to play with.

[Michael]

Parts of Hong Kong are the most densely populated metropolitan areas in the world, parts are jungle. These two places are separated by about 5 MTR (subway) stops.

[GrahamB]

Ian - where the hell do you live?

[Ian]

Ian - where the hell do you live?

We have broadband, though.

edit: Udel lives in the neighbouring village.

[GrahamB]

That explains a lot. I thought with all that talk of snakes and king cobras you might live somewhere like Great Yarmouth.

[Michael]

Hey, I do live in a jungle! On the northern edge of Guangzhou, but we got cobras and I saw a large snake just like Ian saw, but that was only once in three years.

[GrahamB]

Hey M, you sure it wasn't a lizard man not a snake?... ok ok, I'll shut up about the lizards now...

[Michael]

No worries, mate. It is a damn funny topic, actually.