trashy romance novels...

[Interloper]

It's a basic forumula, like a thesis, a magazine feature article, a biography... all different formats have their own basic formula, and "Gothic Romance Novels "(AKA "Bodice Rippers") have theirs.

The above took me exactly 8 minutes to write, using the basic format and concepts of such "literature." And, I've never really read a romance novel in my life.

[klonk]

For the sake of the friendship...blame the copy editor. The author plainly meant "flailing." Or I hope so.

Or there is another genre of romance based on Lovecraft

If that is so...Uh, Zhong Kui, you really oughta just cool this chick, you know, be slow answering messages, forget to bring flowers, that sort of thing. Losing out is easy once you get the hang of it.

Who was it who said,

Sane
Straight
Single

Pick two!

[klonk]

It's a basic forumula, like a thesis, a magazine feature article, a biography... all different formats have their own basic formula, and "Gothic Romance Novels "(AKA "Bodice Rippers") have theirs.

The above took me exactly 8 minutes to write, using the basic format and concepts of such "literature." And, I've never really read a romance novel in my life.

If you had removed half the stereotypical keywords, you would have had me fooled. I once read a romance novel. Reasons possibly similar to Zhong's, but I had the misfortune to remark,

"The man in this novel is nothing like me! Or any of my friends!"

I added insult to injury, assuredly unintentional, by saying, "And the woman is nothing like you!"

Perhaps I had best bring down the curtain on the next scene.

[Muad'dib]

I am positive that they meant flailing, but I am not positive that either the author, not the editor was aware that it is flailing, not flaying.

[affa]

doesn't really bother me that my wife reads these, but it creeps me the hell out that my mother-in-law does.

best bodice ripper, genital euphemism i've ever heard:

"her scalding sheath"

[qiphlow]

yes, they are. as is cosmopolitan magazine.

[Interloper]

doesn't really bother me that my wife reads these, but it creeps me the hell out that my mother-in-law does.

best bodice ripper, genital euphemism i've ever heard:

"her scalding sheath"

LOL
I like "his throbbing manhood."

Klonk,
It wasn't quite accurate for me to say that I've never read a "bodice ripper," as I did skim two of them at a yard sale a few years ago. It was enough to give me the basic stereotypical words, scenarios and relationships.

[Muad'dib]

Sorry, my bad. The flaying arms was not from one my friend wrote.

[klonk]

[...]

Klonk,
It wasn't quite accurate for me to say that I've never read a "bodice ripper," as I did skim two of them at a yard sale a few years ago. It was enough to give me the basic stereotypical words, scenarios and relationships.

I will simply reiterate that ukemi is a dandy skill, especially when helped along down the stairs by a fefty push, several empty wine bottles thrown at your head and a crate of remainder copies.

Just kidding. _._. knows her novels are not to the wider taste, but the hefty part is correct.

[GrahamB]

As she surveyed the rural landscape, Tessa casually flipped back the thick lock of rich auburn hair that had loosened from its velvet bow atop her head and tumbled over her porcelain-skinned brow. Her coach jostled along the country lane, top-hatted driver cracking his thin whip to hurry the horses along before nightfall. The golden light of late afternoon was bathing the verdant hillsides in warmth, belying the chilly breezes of autumn that would race through the village of Digby's Forge in just a few short weeks.

The gleaming mahogany coach rounded a corner, and the alabaster columns of Greenshield Mansion slipped into view. Tessa gasped. She had been told that the manse and its grounds were a majestic estate, but she was not prepared for the opulance of its presence, with enormous limestone fountains, neatly clipped boxwood hedges, a winding pebble-lined entry road and enormous white portico festooned with elaborate carvings that loomed over a wide bay where carriages pulled in to pick up and discharge passengers. This, Tessa thought, truly was the domain of a fabulously powerful family that had known wealth for centuries, and basked in its glow without reservation or self-consciousness.

She was jolted from her revery by a sudden clatter of galloping hooves and a sharp rap on the side of her coach door. She peeped out the curtained window to glimpse a dark-haired, becloaked man riding hard on a muscled and sleek black stallion. The rich leather trappings he wore -- shiny black boots, leather gauntlets, and a wide leather belt into which a jeweled dirk was thrust -- hinted that he must be part of the family she was about to serve as governess to its pale young child whose mother, the lady of the manse, had passed away a few short months earlier.

"Hold! Hold," Tessa heard the dark rider cry to the coachman, and the vehicle jerked to a halt, causing Tessa's bags to lurch from their resting place atop the coach and nearly tumble onto the lane, held back -- fortunately -- by a leather binding strap.

The door was yanked open, and standing there was the rider. No longer astride his steed, he was still a commanding presense, a strapping, cleanshaven young man of at least 6'2", and broad shouldered. His eyes were a steel-blue, his hair raven-black, his skin tanned golden from perhaps many days spent at the hunt or engaged in other manly outdoor sporting activities. "You must be Tessa Brightwin," he said in a deep but reserved voice.

Tessa was at once stunned and overwhelmed by the sheer manliness and virility of the figure that stood before her. He was like an exquisitely carved Greek statue of a warrior, such as she had seen in the books her tutor had brought to instruct her in classical history. Her heart began to pound, and her porcelain-pale bosom heaved beneath the bodice of her velvet brocade traveling dress. She had never seen such a masculine presence in her young and virginal life, and she began to feel a warm, tingling flush of sensations and emotions she did not yet understand.

"Yes," she replied breathlessly, "I am Tessa." As the words tumbled from her vermillion-painted, lushly full lips, her body ached for this tall, strong young nobleman to sweep her into his arms and spirit her off to some dewy bower to teach her the ways of love... of passion... of romance. Her mind could not fathom this, yet her lithe and nubile body seemed to know things, to crave things, to have a burning and powerful desire for...

"I am Bradford Elliot Cuthbert Upwellington the Fourth, inheritor and master of Greenshield," the horseman rejoined. "You are my son's new governess. Welcome. I will show you to your chambers so you can freshen up, then my servant Giles will take you about the house and grounds so you can become acquainted with our home. You will then join me for supper at seven o'clock."

Then, without another word, Tessa's new employer lept astride his mount and galloped off, leaving a puff of dust. Tessa blinked as though waking from a dream. Her body trembled, from her perfect, delicate toes to the tip of her sculpted chin. The powerful sensations that held held her captive slowly were subsiding, but the thrill of them had not faded. What might she expect tonight at dinner with this imposing and commanding man? Her mind thought one thing, but her body secretly hoped for something else...

________________________

Okay, that's all I have the energy to write for today.

But what happens next????????? Come on, you can't leave us hanging like this.....

Does a dashing, rum-drinking, crude Dominican pirate called Felipe make an appearance? Maybe a hampster called Sooty.....

[klonk]

Yeah, 'Loper! What happens next awready!?

Lemme guess, they swear eternal chastity and she moves into the convent next door? ? You've got this Princess Bride vibe going, keep up the story!

[GrahamB]

If segler was writing this it would be a four-way by page 3!

[ashe]

If segler was in this it would be finished by page 3!

fixed.

[klonk]

But no. Interloper has established a three dimensional character (heaving boobs count for one of three) and should be allowed to finish her story.
So...show us a surprise ending here...

[GrahamB]

It turns out she's a deranged psychopath and poisons Elliot Cuthbert Upwellington the Fourth with a badger-claw soup. How's that for a surprise ending?