off-balance and disarm on first contact: psychology

[everything]

nope, not an MA topic. a psychology and sales/business psychology question.

how do you, on first contact, disarm or off-balance (could be good or bad or both) people with your verbal and body language tai chi?

obviously some of you (you know who you are or should!) can "off balance" and "off put" everyone in your posts with just words, but that is most likely an undesirable result in business, but not always. for example, DJT seems to be a master at this and it's a negative personality trait, really, but it can work to his advantage.

how do you do it (more on the positive side), if you are consciously very good at this? what are some specific steps? you can smile and compliment people as a start. yes this is in "how to win friends and influence people" but I'm asking RSF on a more personal, anecdotal level, if you care to share any stories. thanks.

[yeniseri]

Verbal judo and its relative go a long way to avoiding outright conflict!
I stopped a miscreant for running a stop sign (university environment) and he warned me that he was paying my salary. T hanked him and re-iterated that was nice of him but I needed to see his student ID

[RobP3]

It's a big subject but starts with learning to maintain a calm exterior in stressful situations.
From there - engaging the other person's brain with a question, being able to move unnoticed into personal space, taking advantage of gaps in awareness, misdirection, concealing intent (or not even having any intent), reading body language, using humour, there are so many strategies.

I've been on the receiving end of a few "tricks" from Vasiliev, including the time we were waiting for him at the airport, watching the arrival doors as the Toronto flight emptied, and he popped up behind us

[everything]

That is a good story. One of my colleagues is very good at this. His techniques are roughly:

- tell a silly and embarrassing story about himself and his really large family, usually that makes you cringe and laugh
- make a little fun of people in a good natured way to try to make them open up and laugh at themselves and him, especially since whatever it is is not as cringe-worthy as his story
- be willing to say anything awkward or uncomfortable but in a humorous way
- be willing to be critical of himself or others in an honest but non-confrontational way

After he does all that, everyone usually opens up pretty fast. Technique 1 seems to be used by all comedians and people who can disarm you or a whole room.

[Bao]

That is a good story. One of my colleagues is very good at this. His techniques are roughly:

- tell a silly and embarrassing story about himself and his really large family, usually that makes you cringe and laugh

You spoke about sales. This is a great method for selling things. If you are a salesman and someone asks about your product, you can lighten up and tell something in a cheerful way about how your sibling or relative, as your sister, aunt, father in law etc, use the product. This is an easy and in fact quite remarkable effective sales trick.

[everything]

I think that is exactly how he does it. Well it's a B2B product so no relative uses it, but he establishes the "humanity" as much as possible. The product is seen partly through his funny lens and maybe seen as more friendly than it would be in some kind of objective survey.

[RobP3]

nope, not an MA topic. a psychology and sales/business psychology question.

I beg to differ - it is very much an MA topic, and one of the most important, especially if you are a doorman, LEO or similar

[Bao]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrDKRVWA-ds

[RobP3]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrDKRVWA-ds

Good work!

[everything]

nope, not an MA topic. a psychology and sales/business psychology question.

I beg to differ - it is very much an MA topic, and one of the most important, especially if you are a doorman, LEO or similar

Definitely, you're right. I meant the scope of what I was asking was general and not restricted to an MA topic. I like asking RSF, though.

[Giles]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrDKRVWA-ds

Good work!

Yes, indeed.
Speaking from personal experience (a few slightly similar situations), I'd say that it's good to be able to connect and empathize, in word, tone and body language, with a potential aggressor while AT THE SAME TIME still being very aware of the danger and ready to immediately defend/counterattack if he nonetheless takes it to another level. To my mind, tai chi (and surely a lot of other martial arts) offer a good starting point for this because being in 'fighting mode' means having a certain degree of whole-body relaxation and groundedness (i.e. 'song') and openness in mind and body that also facilitate interpersonal communication.

In other words, at the crucial moment you don't have to 'shift gear' in a big way in mind and body when moving from one kind of interaction to the other.

I guess that an aggressor also perceives your readiness to act in some level of his mind, and maybe this even helps to create a kind of respect, but if the empathy/approachability you show is reasonably genuine, then your background readiness doesn't seem to be perceived as provocative or escalatory.

[Bao]

I guess that an aggressor also perceives your readiness to act in some level of his mind, and maybe this even helps to create a kind of respect, but if the empathy/approachability you show is reasonably genuine, then your background readiness doesn't seem to be perceived as provocative or escalatory.

IME, there's a whole lot of truth in here.

[windwalker]

As a whole all three are addressed to the samurai class, and all three seek to unify the spirit of Zen with the spirit of the sword. Individually and broadly speaking, one could say that Fudochishinmyoroku deals not only with technique, but with how the self is related to the Self during confrontation and how an individual may become a unified whole.

Taiaki, on the other hand, deals more with the psychological aspects of the relationship between the self and the other. Between these, Reiroshu, “The Clear Sound of Jewels,” deals with the fundamental nature of the human being, with how a swordsman, daimyo – or any person, for that matter – can know the difference between what is right and what is mere selfishness, and can understand the basic question of knowing when and how to die.

http://www.alexandrosmarinos.com/TheUnfetteredMind.pdf

a good read.

One thing concerning the recent clip was the culture that the officer and other person shared in common, allowing them to empathize
according to their cultural norms.

In Thailand

"The 13 Smiles Of Thailand"
https://www.thethailandlife.com/whats-b ... thai-smile

used to live there, very interesting place, nice people and culture.