I got in a fight

[TaoJoannes]

Some of you may remember the scrawny scrappy little stripper that I was dating a while back and used to like to fight with while drunk in the front yard. Since that time, she's moved to West Virginia with some dude making $250K a year or something, and I've been dating her best friend back here at the beach.

She brought him down to visit because she was homesick, and thus the stage was set for me to get into a fight. Not a security detail restraint and venue ejection, not a druken sparring session between friends, but a god's honest I-want-to-fuck-up-the-way-this-[expletive deleted]-walks fight.

I knew something was fishy from the moment we arrived at the campsite. I'd only met the guy once before, when I came out to the same campsite a few months ago to pick the ex and take her to work. (I run my own part-tioe business called StripperCab, it's very informal) So when we get to his camper, they're outside and we walk up and I'm like "ey, Ke-vin, hows it going" and Iput my hand out, and he ignored it. I waited long enough to feel stupid and then dropped it, thinking maybe he had some kind of germ phobia or something, but then he put his out, I chose the path of peace and simply returned the handshake.

So we go inside the camper, and he's got a 12 pack of beer, he offers one to my girlfriend and ignores me. I'm thinking that's strike 2.

While sitting around talking, the ex tells my gf's 2 year old to "run up and give uncle Jason a hug", only she was referring to Kevin. He got a little bent out of shape about that. So I take a walk with my gf and tell her that the guy is being disrespectful and that I don't want to stay long. Mind you, I'm being very quiet and polite and am just trying to let my girl hang with her girl. She gave me her beer, I drank another, the 12 pack was getting light, so I offered to make a beer run.

I get back with the beer, and they're in the camper, girls are dancing. He's playing the music obnoxiously loud on the shitty speakers, the girls asked him to turn it down because it was distorted, eventually he did. When he did, I noted to my ex that she had gotten her some muffin tops. "Looks like you found a cheeseburger or two." I told her. I was constantly on her case about not eating enough when we were dating, (there's a sandwich in every bottle, she'd tell me as she gestured with her beer) and I was happy to see her filling out a bit.

So dude blows a gasket. "Don't you disrespect her like that. That's not gonna fly." he tells me.

"Dude, chill, I was just saying she's put a little weight on, it's good."

"Well, I'm sorry you knew her when she was perfect, but now she's putting some weight on, why don't you just get the fuck out of here."

"Fine," I said. "I'm out. C'mon, let's get the fuck out of here." And I walked out the camper door. "I don't need your shit, I don't need your girl, I've got my girl right here."

So I was standing on the ground outside the camper, looking in the door. My girl was on the first two steps, and dude was on the top step. Out of nowhere, he threw a beer bottle in my face, chipped a nice circle in my two front teeth. Then he tried to throw a punch over my girl's shoulder, but she flinched, and he wound up catching her on the right ear.

So I pulled her out of the way, said "You hit me with a beer bottle," and commenced to whoop ass.

I grabbed his arm, wrapped it, and pulled him out of the trailer and threw him to the ground using the roll-back posture. Then as he tried to take his feet, I used Beginning Tai Chi applied to the shoulders and neck to keep his head down and his body bent over, so I had his head below his hips and was pulling him further extended, to prevent a shoot or any real offensive maneuvers. When I had enough control, I gave him a little Fist Under Elbow with the left hand pulling down and the right hand punching up and raised up a nice lump under his right eye. That's when my girl decided she wanted to get involved, so she laid a headlock on his ass and dropped him to the ground, at which point I gave him a couple kicks in the ribs and the blood cooled enough to take stock of the situation.

He got up, took his shirt the rest of the way off, and was lookin pretty froggy, but in the interest of the baby and not going to jail, we left, after I told him that he was paying for the dental work.

They left for Orlando a couple days early, he got off light.

[Bill]

So you have worse reflexes than Pres. Bush.
You should hang your head in shame !

[Darthwing Teorist]

I was reading and thinking to myselfL will there be a headlock involved in this story. And, lo and behold! there it was!

[meeks]

ribs? next time go straight between his fishnets. more debilitating and memorable...(for him).

sucks what happened, bro. nothing worse than an immature 'next' BF. Looks like he was just looking for an opening and when one didn't present himself he simply made one.

[chud]

(I run my own part-time business called StripperCab, it's very informal)

I am interested in opening a franchise, please PM me with details.

[mixjourneyman]

Sucks that your teeth got chipped up, hope he pays for it.
Sounds like he was a douche bag.
Too bad.

[Gary]

Your lifestyle is dangerous. Be careful.

[dragontigerpalm]

I can't imagine why anyone would want to meet with an ex and her new guy. But if you ever feel so inclined again I would suggest a very public place where you could make a fast graceful exit. I'm sure the beer didn't help but I would also work on some catch and deflect. Sorry about the tooth.

[neijia_boxer]

that was entertaining- it was like a white trash version of COPS- "bad boys, bad boys what you gonna do? what you gonna do when they come for you."

thats why i dont hang out with Ex's even as friends and the new guy... and especially drinking alcohol.

[cdobe]

I grabbed his arm, wrapped it, and pulled him out of the trailer and threw him to the ground using the roll-back posture. Then as he tried to take his feet, I used Beginning Tai Chi applied to the shoulders and neck to keep his head down and his body bent over, so I had his head below his hips and was pulling him further extended, to prevent a shoot or any real offensive maneuvers. When I had enough control, I gave him a little Fist Under Elbow with the left hand pulling down and the right hand punching up and raised up a nice lump under his right eye. That's when my girl decided she wanted to get involved, so she laid a headlock on his ass and dropped him to the ground, at which point I gave him a couple kicks in the ribs and the blood cooled enough to take stock of the situation.

Tremendous

[CaliG]

Strippers, a trailer, beer and taiji used to kick ass in a fight!

Makes me proud to be an American!

[Josealb]

Got Jerry Springer?

[Darthwing Teorist]

Strippers, a trailer, beer and taiji used to kick ass in a fight!

Makes me proud to be an American!

Roadhouse II: Trailer Danger

[meeks]

Muffin-tops . . . don't forget it all started because of the muffin-top.

yea - next time, ask her to take her top off...

[Darth Rock&Roll]

I think roadhouse 2 was called "last call" and had gary busey in it.
Man, anything with Gary Busey in it is Gold, pure gold.

anyway, that would make it "Roadhouse III - TJ's Trailer Dangers"
or

"Roadhouse III - Muffintop"

just as long as there is no Gary Busey and Patrick Swayze doesn't come out all bald and skinny and shit. Poor fucker. I heard he has nut cancer.