Best joke you heard in a while...

[Dr.Rob]

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.
After having great sex,she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles
something she seemed to love to do.
As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her,
"Why do you> love doing that?"
"Because," she replied, "I miss mine."


Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it??

[Ian]

that joke reminded me of this:

A man is getting ready to have sex his new girlfriend for the first time. He tries to push his dick in, but he can't get it in. He tries and tries, but to no avail. Finally he pushes inside her and starts giving it to her. He says, "Damn, this hurts. It's so uncomfortable I can barely take it."

She says, "OK. Let me go to the bathroom and make it a little easier." He climbs off and she disappears for a few moments.

When she returns, she lays down and he climbs back on top of her. He slides in again, and this time it's much easier. "Ahhh. That's more like it. Did you put some lube in there?" "No," she replies, "I just peeled off the scabs..."

[I-mon]

DON'T WAAAAAAAAAAANT!!!!!!!!!!

[Andy_S]

- My dog's got no nose!
- Really? How does he smell?
- Bloody awful!

Circa AD 702

[Ian]

An Australian man is hiking across the New Zealand countryside and comes across a Kiwi fucking a sheep. He shouts, "Oi mate! You're supposed to SHEAR the sheep!" to which the Kiwi replies, "fuck off! I ain't sharing with you!"

(Best if you understand the accent. And apologies to our New Zealand friends!)

[Finny]

An Australian man is hiking across the New Zealand countryside and comes across a Kiwi fucking a sheep. He shouts, "Oi mate! You're supposed to SHEAR the sheep!" to which the Kiwi replies, "fuck off! I ain't sharing with you!"

(Best if you understand the accent. And apologies to our New Zealand friends!)

Hahaha

[meeks]

(Best if you understand the accent. And apologies to our New Zealand friends!)

fuck you - that's racist!

[Michael Babin]

Many years ago, a young officer in the French Foreign Legion got his first posting in a remote fort in the French Sahara. All went well for the first few months though the lack of female company got harder and harder to bear.

One day he asked his Sargent what the men did for relief under such situations and was told that every three months a convoy of salt merchants would spend a few nights near the security of the fort before continuing on their way. The female camels were available for a slight fee.

The young officer was disgusted but increasing frustration had him looking out longingly over the ramparts with the other men on the day that the caravan was due. Sure enough, the first riders and camels came over a nearby dune and to the young officer's astonishment, most of the men off duty made a beeline for the main gate at a run.

The Sargent came out and motioned for the officer to join him as they pelted after the men who had already raced out of the fort.

"Why are we running?" panted the officer as the Sargent started to outpace him.

"I don't know about you, but I want to get a pretty one!" was the gasped reply.

[Darth Rock&Roll]

An officer checks into his assigned camp in Karthoum and does the customary greetings.
As he walks through the camp he sees a single camel so he asks:

"what's the camel for?" to the nearest non com.
The reply comes that the camel is for the men to use when they want to release their sexual frustrations.

the officer raises his brow but carries on.

6 months go by and the officer is becoming highly frustrated sexually and one night decides to ...well go out and give the camel a go.

He puts a box behind the animal, drops trough, lifts the tail and starts pounding away at teh slightly annoyed camel.

The quarter master comes outside hearing the lusty throws of the officers and starts laughing his ass off.
The officer finishes and is slightly offended at the laughing and queries the quartermaster:

"what the hell are you laughing about? I undertsand all the men use this camel when they are sexually frustrated!"

TO which the quarter master replied:

"well yes sir, they ride it into town to visit the local brothel"




.... ba doomp doomp kisshhhhh.... *crickets*

[Andy_S]

Two flies on a freshly laid dog egg are eating lunch.
One farts.
The other one says, "Oh please - not while I'm eating."

(For some reason, I always think this joke must refer to politics)

[taoistfist]

a guy and his family are booking a room in a hotel.
guy says to clerk" i want to make sure my porn channel is disabled"

clerk looks at him abd says"no it"s not you SICKO, it's just regular porn!"

[lazyboxer]

Two elderly ex-Indian Army wallahs are enjoying a late night drinking bout as they reminisce about the good old days. As they get to work on their fourth bottle of Scotch, one asks: "Whatever happened to old Carruthers?"

"Last time I heard of him", says the other old buffer, "he'd gorn down the River Ganges to live with a baboon."

"Hmm...female, I hope?"

"Good God, yes!" comes the reply. "Nothing queer about old Carruthers!"

[Chanchu]

Went to a local cafe the other day cute blond older cougar works in there, she has a sense of humor had a new hair cut looked gooood, line of people mostly GI's behind me waiting to pay her.

"Sooo blondy nice hair cut look even more cute so I guess your husband is chasing you around the house even more huh must get tiring for you"
"yeah that guy damn-- I almost have to carry a stick and beat him off ALLl the time"

The whole line of folks waiting to pay & the counter cracked up... Once blondy realized what she said she lost it to..
A lady with a sense of humor is cool!

[RobP2]

Every morning a German shepherd does a big shit on the pavement right outside my house. Today he even had a dog with him!

[Bill]

I am driving and not really paying attention. The car in front of me stopped and I noticed it a touch late. I "bump" the car in front of me. We both pull off to the side of the road to check out the damage. I was out first and looked at my bumper (not bad at all. couple scratches and on dent I am pretty sure I can get out) and the other guys bumper cracked. So the other guy gets out of his car and I notice he is a midget. He waddles to the back of the car and sees the crack in his bumper and you can see him turning red. He looks at me and says in an angry tone "I am not happy." I look back at him and say "Well which one are you?"