sh*t my dad says lands TV deal

[everything]

http://mashable.com/2009/11/09/from-twitter-to-tv/

Joining a growing list of social media memes turned mainstream media deals is the hilarious Twitter serial Shit My Dad Says, that we recently featured as one of the ten funniest Twitter accounts around.

The author of the account, Justin Halpern, simply tweets the quips and funny off-the-cuffs from his live-in 73-year-old dad. The results are hysterical enough to have already landed him a book deal, and now with a CBS option deal the concept will be finding its way to the other small screen, the television.

The creators of Will & Grace, David Kohan and Max Mutchnick, are already on board to executive produce the show, planned as a family comedy. Halpern will co-write the script with Patrick Schumacker.

[Bill]

examples....

'You don't know shit, and you're not shit. Don't take that the wrong way, that was meant to cheer you up.

"Here's a strawberry, sorry for farting near you...Hey! Either take the strawberry and stop bitching, or no strawberry, that's the deal.

"The worst thing you can be is a liar....Okay fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2.

"Who in the fuck is tila tequila? Is she a stripper?...That's her? Yeah, that's a stripper, son, I don't give a shit what you say.

"Everybody loves that Da Vinci code book. Bullshit, it sucks. I read it. It's for all the dummies.

"I'm having a Makers Mark, you want one? What? 7up? I ain't mixing fucking makers with 7up. Might as well put a lil' fucking umbrella in it.

“You touched that god damned biscuit. Bullshit, I saw you touch it….I don’t give a shit about your evidence, this isn’t a court of law.

"It's just a fucking june bug, calm down. Jesus Christ, what happens when something bigger than a testicle attacks you?

"What are you listening to?...I know who Hall & Oates are god dammit. It's the mustache guy and the gay man.

"I just did an hour on the gym machine. I'm sweaty and I have to shit. Where's my fannypack, this workout is over.

to my bro-"Your baby dropped his binky. The binky is on the table. THE BINKY IS ON THE TABLE. BINKY ON TABLE. PICK.UP.THE.BINKY. Thank you.

(watching the Little League World Series) "These kids are all fat. I remember when you were in little league.... You were fat.

"You know, sometimes it's nice having you around. But now ain't one of those times. Now gimmie the remote we're not watching this bullshit.

"Your mother rented this film, What Happens In Vegas. I thought it was going to be non-fiction, but it's fiction, and it's about some idiot.

[Bill]

"The dog don't like you planting stuff there. It's his backyard. If you're the only one who shits in something, you own it. Remember that.

"How the fuck should I know if it's still good? Eat it. You get sick, it wasn't good. You people, you think I got microscopic fucking eyes.

"Who is this woman?....Kate Beckinsale? Well, you can tell Kate Beckinsale she sucks.

"You need to flush the toilet more than once...No, YOU, YOU specifically need to. You know what, use a different toilet. This is my toilet.

"Don't touch the bacon, it's not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i'll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing.

"Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me.

"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.

"Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices... Jesus, Joni (my mom) it's a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs. Dash isn't even real dammit!

"The dog is not bored, it's a fucking dog. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He's a god damned dog.

"They serve Jim Beam on airplanes. Tastes like piss. You wouldn't be able to tell the difference, because you drink shit. I don't.

"My flight lands at 9:30 on Sunday...You want to watch what? What the fuck is mad men? I'm a mad man if you don't pick me the hell u

"It's watering plants, Justin. You just take a God damned hose and you put it over the plant. You don't even pay rent, just do it. Shit.

(left on answering machine) "Hello? Hello? It's Sam. Anyone there? Nobody checks this god damned thing. HELLO?! HELLO?! Screw it.

"Tennessee is nice. The first time I vomited was in tennessee, I think.

If your brother comes by, tell him I'm on vacation. I already told him that, but who knows with that guy. Are you listening to me? Fuck.

Why would i want to check a voicemail on my cell phone? People want to talk to me, call again. If i want to talk to you, I'll answer.

"Jesus it's hot in here? Right? No? It's fucking hot, you people looking at me like i'm crazy. You're crazy.

"When I used to live in Los Angeles, I used to step in human feces a lot

"The dog is an outside dog. You want an inside dog, you go get your own inside"I didn't live to be 73 years old so I could eat kale. Don't fix me your breakfast and pretend you're fixing mine

[Interloper]

Oh great. That will definitely put an end to his father's spontaneous "shit" forever. He'll become a celebrity whether he likes it or not, and nothing kills naturalness like having everyone expect you to produce bon mots on cue.
And, a "family show"?? Without the salty language?? Can anyone say "Jump the shark on the first episode"?

[zenshiite]

It would certainly be like Archie Bunker returns in many ways. It's an HBO Lucky Louie sort of show if I ever heard of one though...

[Interloper]

Archie had to use clean language. His humor came through malapropisms. Justin Halpern's father is just a salty old fart whose material would be totally de-toothed if deprived of crude language. That's part of his "charm."

[zenshiite]

Yeah, just sayin'... it would have the same kinda flavor. The dude is like 70 years old. Hilarious.

[edededed]

Hmm - good that they can make money, bad that it will probably suck...

Hope the twitter stays alive, though!

[Juan]

Hmm - good that they can make money, bad that it will probably suck...

Hope the twitter stays alive, though!

+1

[Andy_S]

Justin Halpern's father is just a salty old fart whose material would be totally de-toothed if deprived of crude language. That's part of his "charm."

+ 1. But why the "just"?

[Interloper]

Why the "just"? I meant that in comparison to the "bigot" of the Archie Bunker character, Halpern's father isn't really a bigot -- just a character. Nothing he's quoted as saying has any of the ignorance of Archie's TV personality.

[Bär]

I'm with the salty old fart. His kid sounds like an idiot.