Cracked: 7 superpowers Steven Seagal believes he has

[Felipe Bidó]

Seanbaby reviewing "Steven Seagal: Lawman":

http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-7-super ... al-lawman/

"Nightfucked By A Kill"...great title

[shawnsegler]

hehe...assballs!

[Bär]

Meeting Steven Seagal is so exciting that you forget you’re holding a murder weapon. This is the man who wrote and produced the folk/country album Steven Seagal: Songs from the Crystal Cave! I mean, fuck.

[neijia_boxer]

Seagal is a quadruply ultimate grandshaman of aikido. “Aikido” translates roughly to “way of the harmonious spirit.” Combat in aikido is centered around using your opponent’s own force against him. When you watch high-level demonstrations, it’s one grand master in the center of 50 aikido lunatics. They take turns sprinting at him and when each of them gets close, something subtle causes them to front flip. Suspiciously, this front flip-causing ability only seems to work against people who are voluntarily practicing aikido with you. Against regular people, it only seems to be very unpleasant on your joints. And against soup, it’s practically useless.

[cerebus]

ROFLMAO!! I needed that....

[meeks]

Steven Seagal’s taser uses more electricity in a day than a Texas prison.

that was a good one...

[josh]

this has to be posted...

[Andy_S]

Hold it. In this show they give Seagull a taser? WTF?

Why can't he just use the way of harmony on the perps? That'd:
(1) Make much more compelling viewing; and
(2) Prove how truly brilliant he is at martial arts. Or not.

Er, hang on...I think I have worked it out.

Ignore this post.