Modern CMA: Some True Facts

[Andy_S]

GIven the number of "memes" circulating on this forum, I have decided to reveal some little known facts about recent CMA in order to clear the air and satisfy the Internet-reading public. The below is all true.

A well-known dim mak master proved his skill in three separate death matches arranged by gangsters in the jungle in the Golden Triangle between 1980 and 1984. Some people have videos of this event, but have been warned never to release them to the public as the statute of limitations has not expired, so the dim mak master could be tried for homicide. The reason he moved from the Antipodes to the UK is that the son of one of his victims tracked him down, forcing him to migrate.

Tung's Hu-ling's fbeautiful Taiji form (see the thread in the video clip section) has no combative application, but Tung once demonstrated his martial power by KOing a bull elephant that had gone on a rampage through a local market with a one-inch punch

It is well known that a number of young foreign Shaolin students have disappeared in recent years. The secret to power generation in Shaolin kungfu is semen retention during intercourse, but as the temple no longer has an attached nunnery, some of the monks have built up incredible reserves. Result? A number of western Shaolin students have been shagged to death and the local government, for fear of damaging the local the tourist trade, has covered this up.

If you visit the well known tourist spot that is the Yang Lu-chan practice garden in Chen Village after midnight, you will see the older generation masters practicing the secret closed door forms that have never been revealed to the public beyond the village since Yang himself. (This is why today's Chen and Yang stylists are unable to replicate the incredible combat feats of the past.) A German student secretly filmed this practice, but when he tried to developed the film in nearby Wenxian, he discovered that the entire roll was mysteriously over-exposed.

Would anyone else care to post some "martial memes"?

(Graham B, I blame you for this)

[Michael Babin]

A well-known bagua master, despite his great girth, was observed circling faster and faster. The circles he walked became smaller and smaller and his pace accelerated as he rotated in ever-decreasing circles... until he suddenly disappeared up his own arse.

Moments later, observers were astounded to hear a loud farting sound and he suddenly reappeared in the furthest corner of his backyard sitting in an easy chair and doing a cross-word puzzle.

A series of dvds are promised that will only be available to initiates... initiates being of that select grade of students who have the price requested burning the metaphorical hole in their pockets.

[Darth Rock&Roll]

TCMA has some of the greatest bullshit stories ever told.

shagged to death indeed. lol what utter shyte.

[Teazer]

Or...
If you do the Yang tai chi 24 form 'backwards' then you'll lose energy.

[Strange]

her her her

[Steve Rowe]

After the cultural revolution, good Tai Chi ceased to exist in mainland China. All the real practitioners moved to suburbia in the UK, Australia and the USA.

[shawnsegler]

I've always wondered if that's something we missed about how folks in china back in the day did things. Was it just that it was the style to talk your shit up to the nth degree...you know like rappers going on about pimps and ho's and dollas and the product and their soldiers etc....

It would not surprise me.

[klonk]

I've always wondered if that's something we missed about how folks in china back in the day did things. Was it just that it was the style to talk your shit up to the nth degree...you know like rappers going on about pimps and ho's and dollas and the product and their soldiers etc....

It would not surprise me.

I think that's right. You have to read a bit of hyperbole into the style, or some things fail to make sense. My guess is this was understood by people at the time as emphasizing for clarity rather than offering a whopper.

[Darth Rock&Roll]

a) boxer rebellion

uh, yep, that about covers it... lol

[Bär]

When do I get my silk jammies?

[Andy_S]

Yang Lu-chan poplurized the common practice of wearing silk jammies during death matches. These jammies are now in the keeping of a well-known NY-based Taiji maestro, who wears them every night in the hope that he will inherit Yang's skill.

What this poor simp does not know is that the silk of those PJs was so damned fine and slinky, that no opponent could get a grip of Yang. THAT is the only reason Yang was considered so damned skillful; as we all know, his Taiji was not that good as he only learned the basics of the art from Chen Chanxing.

Oh, and said jammies were bright pink, too!

[yeniseri]

I'm raising my hands in shame for my pink jammies!

[Andy_S]

The dantien strenghtening practices of Chinese and Indian martial artists in the 19th and early 20th centuries made them invulnerable to musket fire or bayonet. This is why British troops strapped rebellious sepoys across the mouths of cannons and blew them to smithereens during the Indian Mutiny; It was the only way to be sure of a kill.

Darth:

RE: This:
shagged to death indeed. lol what utter shyte.

Shyte? Cheek.

This is completely true. I heard it from a guy in a pub in Watford. His brother had a friend, whose cousin had mysteriously disappeared on a trip to China.