the rum soaked fist: internal martial arts forum

Top 10 signs you're at the wrong Dojo:

10. Senior Students keep telling you to give Sifu $100.00 in “Lucky money” in a Chinese red envelops because it will “give you better kung fu”.
9. on the first day you have to hang a 80 lb. weight from your groin.
8. Your told the secret to fighting is all in the “Qi cultivation”.
7. Rainbow colored silks and robes are standard uniform.
6. hugging trees seems to get very intimate among fellow practitioners.
5. The instructor is married to a American Gladiator named Dallas.
4. Sparring usually starts with the announcement’ “fight to the death.”
3. You’re required to shave your head after you sign contract.
2. Instead of Taekwondo, your taking “Taeoneon”.
1. After you get your black belt after 2 years and $20,000, with no fighting skills, you realize the style is called, “Iconyu”.

someone comes in with a camera crew to challenge the teacher.

#10. actually happened to me at a Ving Tsun (Wing chun) school.

The elderly master cannot demonstrate techniques on you because he is too deadly

Many years ago. we had one clown in Ottawa teaching a hard style who used to say with a straight face to new students "I only train with my senior student in class as my chi is so powerful I might accidentally rip the muscles off your arm if I struck you too hard with my eagle claw".

We had a Chinese woman a few years later who taught ladies self-defence classes by teaching the ladies in her class to make a qi-packed fist by putting their thumbs inside their fingers when clenching the hand. She also taught them to project qi out of their palms.

Wish I wasn't making those up!

On the other hand, I teach my students to numb attackers by shouting the bad jokes they learn from me as they launch a counter-offensive to "an attack on da streetz}.

neijia_boxer wrote:Top 10 signs you're at the wrong Dojo:

10. Senior Students keep telling you to give Sifu $100.00 in “Lucky money” in a Chinese red envelops because it will “give you better kung fu”.
1. After you get your black belt after 2 years and $20,000, with no fighting skills, you realize the style is called, “Iconyu”.

Sounds like *ahem* "Ohio Wing Chun" to me.

There this Chinese guy (You know he is a World Champion in, er, in... er, damn. Just World Champion.) in my town. Maybe I could just post a picture of his "dojo" here?

Michael Babin wrote:Many years ago. we had one clown in Ottawa teaching a hard style who used to say with a straight face to new students "I only train with my senior student in class as my chi is so powerful I might accidentally rip the muscles off your arm if I struck you too hard with my eagle claw".

*lol* I've seen something similar: a master with 'electric hands' - but you only had his top student to bear testament.

- They don't compete because the techniques used are too deadly for tournament use.

You have to be a student for five years before you compete (because exposing the student to reality would expose the school to ridicule).

The "Guru" (1) of the "Kung Fu McDojo" (2) wears a crimson, black and yellow silk "Dragon Gi" with the words "Sweat and Sour Pork" prominently emblazoned in Chinese characters on the back (3).

He holds a "12th Degree Gold Belt" (4) in the deadly art of "Street Kuhrotty" (5), has fought in "Underground Tournaments in the East" (6) and is so damned deadly with "Samurai Nunchuks" (7) that he has been banned from the UFC.

As well as being a "World Champion Street Fighter" (8) he taught "Ninja-style Sentry Removal Tactics" (9) during his doing black ops with a "Covert Special Forces Unit that He Can't Talk about as it is Still Top Secret, during the War in 'Nam" (10).

That's 10. Did I miss anything?

Andy_S wrote:...
That's 10. Did I miss anything?

The mustache. You forgot the mustache.

Michael Babin wrote:On the other hand, I teach my students to numb attackers by shouting the bad jokes they learn from me as they launch a counter-offensive to "an attack on da streetz}.

Reminds me of Last Resort Fighting, the absolute pinnacle of self-defense systems: