Laughing for Days

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Laughing for Days

Postby zenman on Mon May 19, 2008 7:49 pm

I can't get over how funny this is.

Here's a prime example of 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' offered by an English professor from the University of Colorado for an actual class assignment.

The professor told his class one day: 'Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.

'As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to ke ep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.'

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students, Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Jennifer couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Jennifer with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. 'A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,' he said into his transgalactic communicator. 'Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far...' But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. 'Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel', Jennifer read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. 'Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?' she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Jennifer.

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. 'Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of FUCKING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air-headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!'

(Rebecca)
Asshole.

(Gary)
Bitch!

(Rebecca)
FUCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

(Gary)
In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.

(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one.
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Re: Laughing for Days

Postby fuga on Mon May 19, 2008 8:03 pm

That was great!
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Re: Laughing for Days

Postby nianfong on Mon May 19, 2008 8:10 pm

BAHAHAHAHA I was totally laughing out loud.
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Re: Laughing for Days

Postby I-mon on Mon May 19, 2008 8:16 pm

FUNNY!
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Re: Laughing for Days

Postby Ian on Mon May 19, 2008 8:18 pm

Real or fake, that was THE funniest thing I've read all month.

Rebecca really does sound like an airhead. Takes herself way too seriously as well. ;D
Last edited by Ian on Mon May 19, 2008 8:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Laughing for Days

Postby nready on Mon May 19, 2008 8:57 pm

Ian wrote:Real or fake, that was THE funniest thing I've read all month.

Rebecca really does sound like an airhead. Takes herself way too seriously as well. ;D
and the war between the geeks and airhead chick will continue. Mean while skylon 4 gets destroyed out of shear stupid plot twist, about a really bad story in outer space. :D ;)
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Re: Laughing for Days

Postby Kaitain on Mon May 19, 2008 11:45 pm

hehe that's just great :)
Sticking your head up your arse is not internal.
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Re: Laughing for Days

Postby zenman on Mon May 19, 2008 11:54 pm

I think Advance Sergeant Carl Harris got himself a cherry a year ago and she's a little pissed that it didn't turn into a meaningful relationship, lol!
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Re: Laughing for Days

Postby Felipe Bidó on Mon May 19, 2008 11:54 pm

'Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of FUCKING TEA???


LOL!
“Shut up. Your mouth is like my mother’s vagina; just a hole that disappointments come out of.” - Robert Brockway, Cracked.com
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Re: Laughing for Days

Postby Ian on Tue May 20, 2008 12:13 am

Rebecca treats the story as a journaling exercise, and Gary takes a huge dump over it. Good for him.

Honestly, I can't stand that style of writing.

A then B then H then I then Y then back to A. A pointless detour about a fucking cup of tea.

And that shit about the good ole days before newspapers and television when everything and everyone was beautiful and carefree and innocent. It's like watching fucking Pochahontas.

Somebody bring me a bucket, cause I think I'm going to retch.

"The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam..." haha that's truly awesome.
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Re: Laughing for Days

Postby nianfong on Tue May 20, 2008 12:29 am

hahhaa I'm still laughing....and it's like the 6th time I've read it. tears in my eyes man!!! damn!
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Re: Laughing for Days

Postby Kaitain on Tue May 20, 2008 5:30 am

"Go drink some tea" - best 'last word email' ever :D
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Re: Laughing for Days

Postby DeusTrismegistus on Tue May 20, 2008 5:40 am

I am crying at work because of this. So damn funny.
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bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. -- Winston Churchill
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Re: Laughing for Days

Postby Dmitri on Tue May 20, 2008 5:53 am

We did something similar with a friend at school (we were about 16 I think) -- we were both guys and friends, so it was quite collaborative... It was a really, really bizarre science fiction story, and he was good and very funny (and I sucked :-[)

Anyway, I have an idea. How about we do something like that here on EF? Someone start a "Literary Exercise" thread in OTT and let's create EF's collective work of fiction. If nothing else, we'll all I'm sure have a laugh. Just a thought anyway.
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Re: Laughing for Days

Postby novamma on Tue May 20, 2008 7:08 am

oh damn i had to sent that to all my friends. hilarious!
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