- And this is the higher skill of the chinese internal arts practice too
“ The secret of aiki is to overpower the opponent mentally at a glance and to win without fighting.[25] ”
h4890 wrote:In your encounters in the gym, competitions or on the street, how much do you feel that you've been able to influence the outcome through psychology? Winning without throwing a punch or perhaps "setting the stage"?
One experience I had on the street (or rather, on the bus, to be more correct) a few years ago, was when I asked a young gentleman to remove his feet from the seat, explaining that the seat is for sitting and not for dirty shoes. This young mans reaction surprised me quite a lot. He jumped up, called me a racist and screamed at the top of his voice that he would kill me.
I tried to talk reason into him explaining that it is quite uncalled for to kill someone over leaving dirty foot prints on the seat, and that this is not the proper way to behave on the bus. The result was that he hit me with a sloppy hook on the cheek bone. Now keep in mind here that I was extremely lucky! . . .
Instead of attacking, raising my voice or anything like that, I lowered my voice, raised my guard, and told him that it is quite a mistake to hit someone in the face for a verbal argument while looking him straight in the eyes. . . .
I wonder what can be done from a non-physical point of view, to better the odds in case you are not able to run away?
The Guerrilla Self-Protection Solution
Published on Oct 25, 2018
De-escalating the situation is more about empathy with the individual. Assuming they are not predatory, you may be able to avoid a physical confrontation by choosing to not let your ego get into the battle:
dragonprawn wrote:What you did was more difficult than throwing a punch. Good job.
I have had to diffuse situations many times in my work and on the street. It is never easy not to take the easy way out and just beat their ass. But it must be done if you are at all a trained and confident martial artist. It is the moral way. And anyway, you save yourself headaches or worse later if you overreact. Think of police using deadly force. Sometimes necessary. sometimes they get in trouble. In NYC where I live I even yield to feet on seats. Not even worth it.
marvin8 wrote:One might "win without throwing a punch or setting the stage" by observing, awareness and de-escalating with the right verbal communication, not by confronting, lecturing or obviously raising your guard up to a younger minority. Your "reasoning" or choice of words: calling his shoes "dirty" may have escalated the situation, not de-escalate.
Trick wrote:ive was in a "similar" buss incident years back...
roger hao wrote:Dan -
You should have been prepared for the attack after you confronted the
person about the feet on seat. This rule applies to animals and inanimate objects as
well. Work on this.
roger hao wrote:Also - you were willing to stand up for dirty bus seats but unwilling to stand up
for unwarranted attacks that could have been directed at anyone - even an elderly grand mother. If you want to dabble in the higher levels of martial ability -
( fighting without fighting ) at least stand up for bullying.
marvin8 wrote:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cg7uHkyfzQ
h4890 wrote:marvin8 wrote:One might "win without throwing a punch or setting the stage" by observing, awareness and de-escalating with the right verbal communication, not by confronting, lecturing or obviously raising your guard up to a younger minority. Your "reasoning" or choice of words: calling his shoes "dirty" may have escalated the situation, not de-escalate.
Thank you for the feedback Marvin. In this case however, I would probably stick with my decision to raise my guard after having been hit in the head in order to be able to defend myself agains follow up punches.
h4890 wrote:I'm also not keen on _not_ confronting, lecturing and explaining why (dirty shoes on seat, makes seat dirty as well as takes up space for other people who might want to sit). I believe that in society, if you see something wrong, it is actually your duty to confront, lecture and explain, and it is unreasonable to expect voilence in return. I think it is reasonable to expect that you might respond verbally and have an intelligent conversation around why everyone did as they did.
h4890 wrote:However, once your respond with violence, you are the one who broke the code of society. I will watch the video, but I'm afraid I do not agree with your advice in this situation. At the same time, english is not my native language, and I don't know if it is yours either, and you were not with me in the situation, so it could be that I misunderstand you.
Anyway, thank you for the links and your thoughts.
Best regards,
Dan
h4890 wrote:On a grand level, I remember reading in Clausewitz that in order to win, you must take away the opponents will to fight (or something along those lines). Without lifting a finger, what could achieve that? I can imagine a highly theoretical situation were the victim might be a dangerous man with a reputation, and the attackers learn who it is and choose to abort.
Another story I heard (and I don't know if it is true) is burglars who broke into the house of the well known 80s actor Dolph Lundgren (from Rocky 4) and once they realized who's house they were in, did not proceed with stealing.
Finally, didn't Sun Tzu and/or Muashi talk a lot about the mental aspects and winning without actually fighting?
marvin8 wrote:Yes. You should raise your hands but not in a threatening, fighting stance manner. Rather, you should be calm/relaxed and take a step back, as demonstrated in the posted de-escalation video.
marvin8 wrote:If the goal is for an aggressive, young person to remove his shoes from a seat "without throwing a punch," you should use the verbal communication that will achieve that goal, not necessarily what your ego is keen on.
marvin8 wrote:Playing the race card should not be a "surprise." That exists, as well as racism whether it's fair or not. The young man's reaction should not have been a surprise, as most people do not like being reprimanded (talked down to).
marvin8 wrote:I wasn't there. However, I noticed the words you used:
Thinking of winning, opponent, being in a duel, war or one is "a dangerous man" may contribute to turning asking someone to remove their shoes from a bus seat into an attack. In contrast, the posted video suggests to start by making it about them. You eat the bitter.
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