the customer is...not always right

[nianfong]

this is the funniest site I've seen in a while.
http://notalwaysright.com/

[Ian]

haha thanks for that.

"I see stupid people. Walking around like regular people. They don't see each other. They only see what they want to see. They don't know they're stupid."
"How often do you see them?"
"All the time. They're everywhere."

[TaoJoannes]

Dude.

This takes it.

Cashier: “Aloha, how are you today?”

Tourist: “Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t speak Spanish. Could you talk in English please?”

Cashier: “Hello, how are you today?”

Tourist: “Fine, we just flew here from America today.”

(The cashier rings up the tourist’s few items.)

Cashier: “That will be twenty five dollars and eighty five cents.”

Tourist: “Do you take American money here? I only have American money. I have not been able to get to the currency exchange yet.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, we are in the United States. We take dollars here.”

Tourist: “Oh really? You take this money?” *holds up her $20 bill*

Cashier: “Yes, ma’am, those are dollars, and being a US state we do accept those.”

Tourist: “Well that’s very nice of you to accept foreign money.”

Cashier: *puzzled* “Mahalo, have a great day!”

Tourist: *under her breath* “I told her I didn’t speak Spanish!”

Closely related to....



(I was called by the cashier to help an elderly lady out to her car. As I was loading the trunk, she says…)

Elderly Customer: “How do you say it? Muchas gracious?”

Me: “Um, I’m not Hispanic.”

Elderly Customer: “Oh, really? Where are you from?”

Me: “I’m actually from Bangladesh.”

Elderly Customer: “Really? Is that near Mexico?”

Me: “No… it’s actually right next to India.”

Elderly Customer: “Oh, I see…”

(I finish loading her trunk.)

Elderly Customer: “Thanks and aaadios!”

Me: “…”

[Ian]

My godfather from Germany once went on a business trip to the midwest. A woman asked him if he had arrived by train...

Here's a conversation between two Americans which I overheard in Pompeii (not related to the service industry, but brilliant nonetheless).

One guy clearly looking at the brochure, which says in big letters that the city was buried under several meters of ASH: "So where did all the lava go?"
His friend: "Well when the volcano erupted, it reversed the magnetic field causing the lava to disappear. That's why Mars is a dead planet."

[TaoJoannes]

That sounds like some serious Mike Udel, there.

[TaoJoannes]

Ah, new favorite:



(This is a friend’s experience while working at a popular fast food place on the overnight shift.)

Employee: “Thanks for calling, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I came through drive-thru earlier tonight, and there’s something wrong with my food.”

Employee: “Um, okay…what’s wrong exactly?”

Customer: “Well, I ordered ***, and there was a used condom on the sandwich.”

Employee, holding in a laugh: “Sir, that’s impossible. We don’t practice safe sex here.”

Customer: “Well played.” *hangs up*

[Michael]

Never been to Pompeii.

[Darthwing Teorist]

Good one:

(We sell milk for 2.99 a gallon. Some kid pulled the “.” and the “9″ off so it says 29 dollars. Not surprisingly, a lady comes in to buy a gallon and hands me thirty dollars.)

Me: “Ma’am, you just gave me a twenty and 10 singles to buy milk. It’s only $2.99.”

Lady: “Well that’s not what the sign says! it says 29 dollars!”

Me: “But ma’am, you’re paying more money than it actually costs.”

Lady: “I don’t care how much it costs! Just do your job and give me my f**king milk for 29 dollars!”

Me: “Okay, If that’s what you want…” *gives her a dollar back*

Lady: “Thank you! If you had just done your job I would’ve been out of here by now!”

Me: “Have a great day!”

I guess that a 26.01$ tip is worth the hassle.

[cdobe]

Those Oh-So Subtle Distinctions
Bookstore | Petoskey, MI, USA

Me: “Hello, ma’am, is there anything I can help you find?”

Customer: “Yes. I need to find a book on rodents.”

Me: “Rodents?”

Customer: “Yes, I have some little creature running around my garage and I need to know what it is. I think it might be a vulva.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “You know, it’s small and looks like a mole or a hamster. A vulva.”

Me: “I think you mean a ‘vole’.”

Customer: “Oh right, that’s it. Do you have any books on voles?”

[Darthwing Teorist]

This customer must be Romanian:

(I overheard a fellow salesperson’s sale. He was with a customer but another customer interrupts.)

Customer: “I want to make you offer on this laptop. I give you $650.”

Coworker: “Sorry, sir, the price is $749.”

Customer: *looks at his wife and nods* “I give you $650 plus 3 chicken!”

Coworker: *fighting back a smile* “Sorry, the price is $749.”

This one is cute:

(A boy and his mother come up to my register. The boy starts asking questions about the ant farm we have on display.)

Boy: “Can they mate?”

Me: “No, there’s no queen in there.”

Boy: “Oh… so they can’t mate?”

Me: “No, they’re all male.”

Boy: “So they can’t?”

Mother: *turns to boy* “Okay, shut up or go away! You’re being annoying!”

[cdobe]

Two Words, Both Rhyme With Celebrate
retail | Rohnert Park, CA

Me: “Anything else I can get for you today?”

Female Customer: “Oh yeah! I need batteries?”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “What do you need batteries for?”

Female Customer: “I just need batteries, ok?”

Me: “D Cells?”

Female Customer: “Yeah…”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “But really, what do you need batteries for?”

[TaoJoannes]

Oh, so fun, so fun...

(There is a huge line of customers waiting on their drinks. An impatient customer who just placed his order assumes the next drink is his and takes it, after I call someone else’s name.)

Customer: “This isn’t hot chocolate.”

Me: “That’s because you grabbed someone else’s drink.”

Customer: “But it isn’t hot chocolate!”

Me: “There are nine people in front of you waiting for drinks. You grabbed the wrong drink.”

Customer: “But it isn’t hot chocolate.”

(I look at the order screen for the name on the drink he took.)

Me: “Is your name ***?”

Customer: “No, and this isn’t hot chocolate!”

Me: “That’s because you took ****’s drink!”

Customer: “It’s not hot chocolate!”

Me: “Hand me the drink and I will remake the person who’s drink you took. I’ll make your hot chocolate, but it will take a few minutes!!”

(Customer hands the drink back to me.)

Customer: “It’s not hot chocolate!”

[TaoJoannes]

The more of these I read, and I'm on page 30 somethin, the more I realize there are some severely mentally ill people out there walkin around.

[edededed]

Stupid people should be illegal...

[meeks]

(A customer approaches one of my cashiers holding two children’s t-shirts with identical logos one boys and one girls. We were having a liquidation sale and all boys’ clothing was 40% off while girls’ clothing was 50% off.)

Customer: “What’s the discount on these?”

Cashier: “One is 40% off and the other is 50% off.”

Customer: “Why are they different?”

Cashier: “One is girls and one is boys.”

Customer: “I don’t understand… what’s the difference between girls and boys?”

Cashier: *without even skipping a beat* “Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.”

(Cue the entire checkout line laughing.)